How to Elope Without Upsetting Family - A Compassionate Guide to Your Intimate Wedding
Updated for 2025 (because eloping and family dynamics keep evolving.)
If you’ve found your way here, chances are you’re thinking seriously about eloping. After five years in this game, I’ve seen one thing crystal clear: a huge difference between traditional weddings and elopements is pleasing other folks vs. pleasing yourself (if you read that naughty- get your mind out of the gutter!) Totally kidding, we love some gutter folks around here.
Here’s what you’ll learn in this guide:
How to tell your family you’re eloping (with confidence, not permission-seeking)
Why it’s okay to feel conflicted and how to handle family emotions
Creative ways to include family without compromising your vision
How to set boundaries lovingly but firmly
Why guilt doesn’t belong in your elopement story
What Does Eloping Really Mean in 2025?
Eloping used to be a secret Vegas getaway. Now? It’s a rebellion. A reclaiming. A quiet middle finger to outdated traditions and a loud “hell yes” to intimacy.
Eloping means:
Choosing connection over crowd
Prioritizing presence over performance
Saying no to the script and yes to your story
Whether it’s just you two on a mountain or a tiny ceremony at city hall, eloping today is about owning your love story your way.
Spoiler: it might involve some uncomfy (ifykyk) family convos.
Tip #1: Tell, Don’t Ask And Share Your Why with Conviction
You’re not seeking permission to elope. You’re sharing a decision that feels right for you.
Try this:
“We’ve decided to elope, just the two of us. It feels right for us, and we hope you’ll support us.”
Say it kindly. Say it confidently. That clears space for understanding, or at least respect.
Now, here’s the secret: people listen when passion is involved. When you share why you’re eloping — ideally face-to-face — your loved ones are less likely to push back once they realize how much this means to you.
If you haven’t nailed down your “why” yet, take some time to discover it, write it out, and be ready to share it when you feel boldest.
Here are a few of the top reasons elopements are on the rise:
They’re usually much cheaper than traditional weddings. (Yes, you can spend $50k on an epic elopement — more on that in another post.)
Elopements are dripping with freedom — the freedom to spend your day exactly how you want, with zero stress over centerpieces, drunken groomsmen, or a late caterer.
They ditch the big production. Not everyone wants a massive party where they’re the center of attention and everything has to be perfect.
Marriage is, at its core, about the two of you — so why start your marriage with a big, posed event neither of you really wants?
Tell, Don’t Ask
We believe that sometimes that you can influence the way people receive information by the way you share it with them. Share your excitement about your elopement plans and leave no room to be swayed.
Tip #2: Feel the Feelings Without Absorbing Them
Some family reactions will be gentle. Some will sting. That’s their stuff. not yours.
You allowed to care without sacrificing your peace.
Let them have their feelings. Let yourself release them.
Here’s how to navigate family emotions without sacrificing your dream day:
Acknowledge their feelings: Let them know you hear and respect their perspective.
Don’t take it personally: Remember, their reaction is about their expectations, not your worth or your decision.
Set clear boundaries: It’s okay to gently remind them your plans are final.
Give it time: Emotions soften as people adjust to the news.
By recognizing their feelings without absorbing the stress, you protect your peace while honoring theirs.
Feel the feelings — but don’t carry the weight.
Family reactions vary. Listen with empathy, set boundaries kindly, and protect your peace.
Tip #3: Invite your family to your elopement
Sometimes compromise is the name of the game, and if your family “insists” on being there, just invite them. Whether it be an international elopement, an adventurous elopement, or something more casual in town, invite them. If they can make it, great. If not, well…..that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
Now I’m not that mean, so I’m not just gonna be like “if your fam can’t make it, oh well.” If having your family present at your elopement is important to you ,or them, there are several ways your family can attend your elopement plans and it may just take a little creativity. If you need some help, reach out and I’ll share with you one recent experience of how we handled 30 family members on a mountain top elopement, including three in wheelchairs.
Include your people
There’s nothing wrong with a little compromise. Invite your family/friends to your elopement. If there’s some physical limitations, work with a photographer or planner who can find easily accessible elopement locations.
Tip #4: Plan a post-elopement reception/backyard BBQ
When our family pushed back on our elopement plans, I told them “if you want us to have a wedding that bad, you plan it and pay for it.” That was enough to get them to lay off the “you should do this, you have to do that” that mother hens typically do. But we did end up compromising for my (Michelle’s) family that wasn’t able to travel internationally to our elopement in Jamaica (Appalachian folks aren’t big travelers) and had an elopement send-off party where we had a bonfire and celebrated with our east coast fam in a super laid-back backyard party.
A common theme we’ve noticed is our couples will elope and then show the photos and/or video at their reception back home. It’s usually a win-win for both the couple and their families.
Best of both worlds
The most common compromise we’ve seen when couples are facing some backlash over elopement plans is to elope exactly how you want to and then plan a post-elopement celebration with your family and friends back home. Basically a scaled down reception or a backyard BBQ so everyone feels included and can celebrate with you.
Tip 5: Let Go of Guilt, Choose Joy
You’ve spoken your truth and done the work.
Now, own your day.
The people who love you will find their way back. If they don’t, you still chose honesty. You still chose joy. As a recovering people pleaser, I know that what I’m saying here is easier said than done. It takes time, it takes practice, but once you get there, it’s so GD freeing. Give yourself permission, my fiends. You won’t regret it.
Once you’ve absorbed those ’full-body yes’ feelings of eloping, here’s some ideas to incorporate into your intimate wedding day.
Choose Joy
You’ll be proud of yourself for choosing freedom, joy, and getting married however the hell you want.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I elope and still make my family happy?
Maybe. Maybe not. But their happiness doesn’t define your marriage. Your peace does.
How do I tell my family we’re eloping?
With warmth, clarity, and no apologies. Share your truth boldly and kindly.
What if I want to include family?
Letters, calls, videos, or post-elopement hangs can help family feel included without stressing your day.
Where should we elope?
The best question of them all. Here’s my insider info on the best places to elope in the world.
Sample cost COMPARISON: Elopements vs. Traditional Wedding
These estimates are exactly that- estimates. I gathered these figures from online research, costs in my area, and self-reporting from clients.
Estimated cost of an elopement in the US: $12,150-$16,150
Photo/Video team $5,000-$7,000
Wedding dress / attire $1,000-$3,000
Marriage license $100 (this varies)
Officiant $500
Flowers $400
Hair /makeup $650
Elopement reception/celebration $500
Travel and Accommodation $2000-$4000
Estimated cost of a traditional wedding: $24,250-$80,600
Photo/Video team $9,000-$12,000
Wedding dress / attire $1,000-$5,000
Venue $5,000-$15,000
Marriage license $100 (this varies)
Officiant $500
Flowers/Archway $1,000-$10,000
Hair /makeup $650-$3,000
Catering, booze, cake: $5,000-$10,000
Rentals, decor: $1,000-$18,000
Wedding party gifts, day-of snacks, tips, unexpected costs, etc: $500-$2,000
Bachelor/ette parties: $500-$5,000
Time and stress planning, making decisions, emotional weight of who to invite, include in wedding party, etc.
Not bad considering the average cost of a traditional wedding is $44,000. We’re a little biased because we had a dream elopement experience (ours cost roughly $10,000) where we spent a week together in the Caribbean celebrating our marriage and having the most intimate, relaxed, and fun wedding vacation of a lifetime. We invited over 40 people and 17 were able to join us. It was perfect and we have zero regrets.
Meet your elopement cheerleaders!
We’re Michelle and Thomas, a husband and wife team who helps couples elope in the U.S. and around the world. We’re told that we’re a rad photographer and videographer duo and we love empowering folks to listen to their gut when it comes to wedding planning.
We’re your biggest cheerleaders to choose freedom on the best day of your freakin’ life. We’ll guide you every step of the way and help you have an elopement experience that won’t have one ounce of regret. All while documenting those once-in-a-lifetime moments through photos and video that will always remind you that you chose freedom, feeling good, and living your best damn life.
Our elopement packages for photo & video start at $4920.
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Ready to start planning your dream elopement?
Contact us here to get started and let’s make some damn magic my friends.