How to Elope Without Upsetting Your Family {Redefining Wedding Etiquette in 2024 }
If you’ve made it to this blog, I’m guessing you’re wanting to elope. In our 5 year career, the main difference between traditional weddings and elopements is pleasing other folks vs. pleasing yourself (if you read that naughty- get your mind out of the gutter!) Totally kidding, we love some gutter folks around here.
All we’re saying is, you are meant to have the wedding of your dreams, and if your wedding dreams look different then what you see around you, then do you boo boo.
Please note, this blog was written with the boldest of intentions. It’s direct and it’s meant to inspire you. It’s meant to be that final push you may need after you’ve dug down deep and truly realize that a traditional wedding is not for you, no way no how. Because going against the grain is bold, and may feel tough for some- you’ll have us in your corner to cheer you on and guide you on how to elope without upsetting your family.
Here’s our top tips on redefining wedding etiquette and how to elope without upsetting your family and to do what you actually want to do on your wedding day:
Tell, don’t ask, your family about your wedding plans.
Share your why and remain strong
Invite your family to your elopement
Plan a post-elopement reception
Redefining Wedding Etiquette Tip #1 On How To Elope Without Upsetting Family
Tell, don’t ask, your family about your wedding plans
If you ask someone their opinion on something, you’re opening the door for them to be honest with you. In a situation where you’re telling your family about the big news to ditch the traditional wedding, it’s probably best to not seek out their honesty so you don’t end up with a bunch of emotional feedback that could sway your decision back to the other side. Instead, we believe you should just tell your family about your elopement plans. I know it’s easier said than done, but we genuinely feel that now is the time that people start making decisions that are best for themselves and what they truly desire, in this case- going the non-traditional route with an elopement. Life is short, you don’t want to end up sitting on your porch one day, reminiscing about your wedding day and thinking “I really wish we would have eloped.” For some of us, we’ll only get married once and you should do it *exactly* how you want to. And hey, if you get married more than once, even more reason to do it *exactly* how you want to (let’s not regret that decision twice my friends!)
Be bold
We believe that sometimes that you can influence the way people receive information by the way you share it with them. Share your excitement about your elopement plans and leave no room to be swayed.
Redefining Wedding Etiquette Tip #2 On How To Elope Without Upsetting Family
Share your why and remain strong
People tend to buy into things when there’s passion involved. If you share the reasons on why you are eloping and share it with conviction (ideally in person), your loved ones will be less likely to push back when they realize how passionate you are about your non-traditional wedding plans. If you haven’t quite labeled your why, I’d encourage you to discover that, list it out, and prepare to share when you feel the boldest. Here’s some of the TOP reasons why elopements are on the rise:
-typically they are much cheaper than traditional weddings. I say typically because you can definitely spend $50k on an epic elopement if you want, more about that on another blog.
-elopements are dripping with freedom. The freedom to wake up and spend your day exactly how you want to, with zero worry about centerpieces, drunken groomsmen, or a late caterer.
-time to ditch the big production. Not all of us like having big outlandish parties where we’re the center of attention and everything has to be perfect.
-marriage is, at its core, about the two of you- so why start your marriage off with a big, posed event that neither one of you wants to have?
Share your why
With passion in your voice, share with your family exactly why you’re choosing an elopement over a traditional wedding. Be prepared with facts, statistics, or whatever else you may need in your back pocket to reject any notion that you have to do things a certain way.
Redefining Wedding Etiquette Tip #3 On How To Elope Without Upsetting Family.
Invite your family to your elopement
Sometimes compromise is the name of the game, and if your family “insists” on being there, just invite them. Whether it be an international elopement, an adventurous elopement, or something more casual in town, invite them. If they can make it, great. If not, well…..that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
Now I’m not that mean, so I’m not just gonna be like “if your fam can’t make it, oh well.” If having your family present at your elopement is important to you ,or them, there are several ways your family can attend your elopement plans and it may just take a little creativity. If you need some help, reach out and I’ll share with you one recent experience of how we handled 30 family members on a mountain top elopement, including three in wheelchairs.
Include your people
There’s nothing wrong with a little compromise. Invite your family/friends to your elopement. If there’s some physical limitations, work with a photographer or planner who can find easily accessible elopement locations.
Plan a post-elopement reception/backyard BBQ
Redefining Wedding Etiquette Tip #4 On How To Elope Without Upsetting Family
When our family pushed back on our elopement plans, I told them “if you want us to have a wedding that bad, you plan it and pay for it.” That was enough to get them to lay off the “you should do this, you have to do that” that mother hens typically do. But we did end up compromising for my (Michelle’s) family that wasn’t able to travel internationally to our elopement in Jamaica (Appalachian folks aren’t big travelers) and had an elopement send-off party where we had a bonfire and celebrated with our east coast fam in a super laid-back backyard party.
A common theme we’ve noticed is our couples will elope and then show the photos and/or video at their reception back home. It’s usually a win-win for both the couple and their families.
Best of both worlds
The most common compromise we’ve seen when couples are facing some backlash over elopement plans is to elope exactly how you want to and then plan a post-elopement celebration with your family and friends back home. Basically a scaled down reception or a backyard BBQ so everyone feels included and can celebrate with you.
Sample cost comparision: Elopements vs. Traditional Wedding
These estimates are exactly that- estimates. I gathered these figures from online research, costs in my area, and self-reporting from clients.
Estimated cost of an elopement in the US $12,150-$16,150
Photo/Video team $7,000
Wedding dress / attire $1,000-$3,000
Marriage license $100 (this varies)
Officiant $500
Flowers $400
Hair /makeup $650
Elopement reception/celebration $500
Travel and Accommodation $2000-$4000
Estimated cost of a traditional wedding
$24,250-$80,600
Photo/Video team $9,000-$12,000
Wedding dress / attire $1,000-$5,000
Venue $5,000-$15,000
Marriage license $100 (this varies)
Officiant $500
Flowers/Archway $1,000-$10,000
Hair /makeup $650-$3,000
Catering, booze, cake: $5,000-$10,000
Rentals, decor: $1,000-$18,000
Wedding party gifts, day-of snacks, tips, unexpected costs, etc: $500-$2,000
Bachelor/ette parties: $500-$5,000
Time and stress planning, making decisions, emotional weight of who to invite, include in wedding party, etc.
Not bad considering the average cost of a traditional wedding is $44,000. We’re a little biased because we had a dream elopement experience (ours cost roughly $10,000) where we spent a week together in the Caribbean celebrating our marriage and having the most intimate, relaxed, and fun wedding vacation of a lifetime. We invited over 40 people and 17 were able to join us. It was perfect and we have zero regrets.
Meet your elopement cheerleaders!
We’re Michelle and Thomas, a husband and wife team who helps couples elope in the U.S. and around the world. We’re told that we’re a rad photographer and videographer duo and we love empowering folks to listen to their gut when it comes to wedding planning.
We’re your biggest cheerleaders to choose freedom on the best day of your freakin’ life. We’ll guide you every step of the way and help you have an elopement experience that won’t have one ounce of regret. All while documenting those once-in-a-lifetime moments through photos and video that will always remind you that you chose freedom, feeling good, and living your best damn life.
Our elopement packages for photo & video start at $4920.
